he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
