My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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