She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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