so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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