And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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