Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
