I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
