someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
