Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
