Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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