Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
