In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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