i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
