honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
