Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
