What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize