She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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