you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
