new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
