i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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