Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
