just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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