You're so nebulous sometimes
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
