can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish you could order shots online.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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