all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
