google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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