no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
