You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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