saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
