i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
