I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize