come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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