I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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