please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
