This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize