i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
