I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
