feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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