So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
