My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
