I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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