Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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