So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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