My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He kissed a someone with a penis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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