He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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