I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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