so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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