Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
