Redeem this text for a blowjob
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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