with your own penis?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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