I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
