just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
