oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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