I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
