Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish you could order shots online.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
