im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
