wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
