no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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