I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
