What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
