I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
