no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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