Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
