took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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