Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
