I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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