well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
