I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
