If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
