just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
