i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
