Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
