drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
