We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
