my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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