Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
