before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
